i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
