I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
