I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
