five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
