I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
