DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
