OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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