I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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