yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
