If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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