This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
