my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
