i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
