Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
