how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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