I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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