that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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