the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
