But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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