tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
