I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
