what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
