plz talk dirty to me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
