Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
