I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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