seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
