somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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