Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize