Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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