I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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