Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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