the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize