he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize