i need an iv and a liver transplant
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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