you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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