just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
