i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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