I just pynch a tree in the face
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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