i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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