I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i believe in u and ur pee
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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