I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
