Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
