I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
