maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
