LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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