you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
