Your dad touched me again.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
