his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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