mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
