she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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