dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
