you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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