once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's paint friendship bongs
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
