hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
