mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
