Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
