please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
