Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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