Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
organizing the empties. That sober.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
