If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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