I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
