kristin has been a bad kristin
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize